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My Pants Are TOO Tight

Since it’s January, I thought I would jump on the bandwagon just like  the other dumbasses who ate one too many a Christmas cookie, and drank the unneeded extra bottle of wine; and start a new diet and fitness plan. It’s so cliché, right?  I totally realize this, but the my muffin top keeps screaming, “For the love of God woman…Step away from the cookies!”.

I also turned 38 this year.  I’m not one of those people who really cares about age. I mean, you can’t change it…so don’t fret it.  But, I do care about the fact that I am not comfortable in my own skin right now.  I also realize that this is the time in a lot of women’s lives where there metabolism takes a permanent vacation (she’s all super skinny and happy in her bikini) and your hormones start screwing with your body (she’s all moody, bloated and plump wearing a moo-moo…NOT a good combo).  

I have devised a personal 3 Step Program:

Step One:

I am having my blood tested to give me a baseline of my health.  I seriously have no idea what the results will say.  I am assuming it’s not too extremely horrible compared to last year when I did a blood test for my year exam…or the doctor just didn’t give a flipping care.  This will at least tell me if there is something wrong, so I can fix it…OR…tell me I am perfect, like I assume.

Step Two:

Start the horrible looking 21 Day Sugar Detox Diet, AKA “21DSD” (  Low carb, gluten free and no alcohol = NO FUN. I am currently scouring grocery stores and online shops for things called coconut aminos, ghee and arrowroot flour. WTF is arrowroot? And, I am going to have to think SO much more about what I am eating. Thinking about what I am eating is not a bad thing, it’s just the pre-thinking that I am worried about. I am not a good food prepper, so maybe this will also help me in other areas where I lack discipline.

Step Three:

Begin my new 10 week fitness regime at Sersana ( IF I can look half as good as any of the women on the website, I’d be a VERY happy woman. I mean it, you seriously have to go to the website and see these women…they are incredible. I’m sure starting this program is going to do wonders for my self esteem! Don’t get me wrong, I know this will take a lot of hard work and dedication. And, I’m not new to this kind of commitment, but new can be a bit scary.

So, there you have it. 3 simple steps to a new me! I will not be writing about this everyday. I may occasionally vent on my Facebook page. I will not be Instagraming all of my gluten free-low carb meals. There will not be a before and after photo for all of you to drool over. I apologize in advance if I am not a nice person to you…It will be the exhaustion and the lack of sugar, wine and tacos talking.  

God speed.

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