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The Dowager

I live in Mexico City.  Life can be a bit tedious at times.  But, overall it’s a pretty good place to be living.  I have a lot of reminders of home…i.e. Costco, SAM’s Club, Walmart, American Girl, Nine West, GAP…you name it we probably have it, except for Chick-Fil-A (and seriously, that would be bad ass).  

Anyhow…My friend, Rosie, calls me The Dowager…as in The Dowager of Grantham. There are things that come out of my mouth on a daily basis that should be bottled up and swallowed back down like a pill.  But, I cannot help myself, and these words are normally spewed onto the inter web for your viewing pleasure. I know my posts might sound like First World problems, but at least they are funny and amusing. And, you should know that I rarely take myself seriously.

For instance, I tend to bitch and moan about my driver. Yes, I’m very lucky to have a driver. It is common in Mexico City to have one, and is very handy and helpful. Prior to moving to Mexico, I had always driven myself, and not driving is still an ongoing adjustment for me. He, the driver, has probably single handedly saved the life of many an idiot driver due to the fact that I am not behind the wheel of the car. But, seriously…he’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever met. He’s great with my children (very tolerant), the dogs (again very tolerant), and with my husband and I. After two and half years he’s like part of the family. But, sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I get frustrated with either my inability to communicate properly with him (he “speaks” english) or his inability to drive without pissing me off. 

But, all this being said…there are so many people out there that say or ask the dumbest and funniest crap. I mean, seriously. 

For instance…

Items for Sale…Antiperspirant, ONLY used once! (Um, excuse me?) Oh, and for all of you selling your crap, it’s used…price accordingly. But, for those of you buying said crap…FYI, it is used, so don’t expect brand new.

Do you need to ask for medical advise on a FB page regarding your recent bout of diarrhea? Hello…It’s called a doctor. You can see one at the pharmacy for $2 USD, and they’ll reimburse you the cost if you get your prescriptions filled at the pharmacy! 

Do you need to ask where every product is sold in the city? Where can I buy cold pressed organic dandelion tea? (WTF?) Where can I buy a nice, good quality, inexpensive, custom sectional pullout sofa? (Yeah, no…you can’t.) Where can I buy vegan nitrate free gluten free sausages? (I mean, does that shit really exist? And, if it does…Wouldn’t it taste like cardboard? And, should we really be calling it sausage?) Last but not least…Where can I go to buy large toilet seats? (I cannot make this shit up…) 

I need an OBGYN, but I don’t want them to actually touch my vagina…any referrals? (Just kidding…I made this one up, but I would not be surprised to see it pop up on my newsfeed.)

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